To Save Time, California Issues Universal Order For Everyone To Just Stop Doing Everything
The state of California is known for its laws. They regularly ban everyday items on the off chance that they may or may not actually be dangerous in some way. Whether it is drinking straws or plastic grocery bags, the golden state has yet to find a restrictive rule it doesn’t like.
But making rules and passing laws is a demanding process. So David Lorimer, secretary of the state’s Department of Oversight & Management Governance (OMG) figured out a way to accomplish the same purpose without spending so much time legislating lifestyle guidelines.
Lorimer explains, “So, we are in a race against the apocalypse, right? We know that we are running out of time. We all heard that this week. How dare we. Well, I proposed a single plan that would encapsulate every progressive value we have. It is streamlined, straight-forward, and effective. The state of California has now banned everything. Every product. Every activity. Every thought. Everything. This is a universal ban. No more eating, as that is a drain on the planet. No more traveling because people may go to a conservative place. No more thinking because that could cause violence. We aren’t sure how to enforce the breathing ban part of the universal order, but our abortion clinics are making some solid strides with the youngest demographic.”
Some are calling the measure extreme. But Lorimer wonders if you can put a price on everything. “We were on the right track with our meddlesome bans. But do you know how long it would take to outlaw every little thing out there? Why wait when you can ban everything at once and save the planet?”
Some state’s are expected to follow suit. Indeed several blue states like the idea of everyone doing nothing to save everything. California leads the way again.