President Donald Trump To Write Column For Unverified Source

President Donald Trump To Write Column For Unverified Source

This is a great day in the young life of this media community. Unverified Source has been your trusted source for unbelievable news for less than a month. Word is getting out that we provide fake news you can really believe in. Apparently word reached the White House. We were recently contacted by the President himself to offer sincere well wishes on our efforts. He then asked if we would like for him to write a regular column. We eagerly accepted, and now post his inaugural column.

"Hello Americans,

This is your President, but you can call me 'The Donald.' I can't tell you what a great honor it is to be able to contribute to such a tremendous media outlet. It's true. I really can't. My friends at Unverified Source... and who doesn't like that? "Unverified Source." Take the first two letters and what do you have? "U.S." These are real Americans. They specialize in reporting unbelievable news that they call "Barely Satire." I like it. I really do. I'd like to think I am a source of material that is barely satire. So when I first read some of the articles... I'll admit... I though they were true... even the ones about me. They're good. They're really good. They got me. And that's not easy to do. Everybody knows that. I read the articles every day just to catch up on what's going on in the world. So I wanted to bring my value to the site. 

I happen to be quite a writer. I post a lot to the internet. A lot people don't know that about me. It's true. So I asked the guys at Unverified Source if they'd like for me to write a column. They said, "Yes." I knew they would. Great guys. My columns will be about current events, but also reveal a little about my life. Exciting stuff. There's really not a lot of stuff out there about my life. The other fake news outlets just won't talk about everything I'm doing. And so it will be about me. And I also want to do something really special. Do you like that? I want to do something for the great Americans like you. You are a great American. Alright? So I want to answer your questions. It could be a question about how I plan to deal with China in tight negotiations, or it may be a question about my favorite cartoon. It doesn't matter. I'll answer them all with an equal degree of sincerity and wisdom. You may want to ask me about events or people in history. I always like giving my own take on history and historical figures.  

Well, I have to go now. My people are needing me to explain something I tweeted earlier this morning. It's so hard to find good help. But they are great people. Phenomenal people. They just don't always get it, you know? But anyway, God bless you. And God bless the United States.

Your Leader,

Donald J. Trump, President"

We at Unverified Source are looking forward to this new chapter. If you would like to submit a question, please do so by clicking on our submission form, or sending an email to barelysatire@gmail.com , or you can send a direct message on our Facebook or Twitter.

 

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