Nation To Turn Calendars Back To 1929 This Weekend For America Saving Time
This weekend is when most Americans would turn their clocks back one hour to adjust to Standard Time as they come off of Daylight Savings Time. But the cultural watchdog group “Save Our Society” (SOS) along with the “Standard Time Office” have agreed that the current state of affairs requires a much more aggressive measure in order to continue enjoying longer days as a nation.
So on Saturday night at 2:00 all households are to turn their clocks back one hour, and their calendars back 89 years to the years 1929. This will be a bit of a culture shock, but the exercise will return us to the year the stock market crashed and ushered in the Great Depression. Marsha Stevenson, a historian on the team that approved the measure explains the reasoning for going back to such a dark time.
“Well, the Great Depression may have been bad, but it isn’t as bad as the Great Destruction which we are living through today. Obviously there were very difficult elements in those days. Let’s be honest… There was no Candy Crush or Spotify. But the people were of stronger stock. They knew the value of hard work. They would do whatever it took to take care of their families. That generation ultimately gave us the Greatest Generation. Surely they found things to complain about. But they didn’t immediately demonize people they didn’t know. I think I would be willing to eat beans and rice every night if it meant I wouldn’t be called a racist for dressing up as Rosa Parks at a Halloween party.”
The experiment may or may not work. But one thing is sure… It will weed out a whole group of people who are only here to whine and put others on blast for having a different opinion. Stevenson made a list of seven tradeoffs that make the time trip worth it…
LOSS - No Internet
GAIN - No Internet
LOSS - Behavior medication
GAIN - Discipline and respect
LOSS - Over 50% of women contributing to the work force
GAIN - Nearly 100% of women contributing to the family force
LOSS - MAGA
GAIN - MAGA
LOSS - College Graduates
GAIN - Common Sense
LOSS - Selfies
GAIN - Less preoccupation with taking pictures of oneself in the bathroom… which will now be down the path
LOSS - No cool coffee shops
GAIN - Coffee was $.02 a cup
TIP - Your smart phone will not automatically change the year. No need to worry. You won’t need it when you wake up.