Millennial Reign Begins As Every Politician Announces They Are Doing Nothing Wrong
It only took 6,000 years of human history, but we have arrived. A recent survey conducted by CNN and Fox News reveals that we currently have the absolute best leaders in the history of humankind. In a study conducted by two news organizations from polar opposite political ends, each and every elected politician in America denied any wrong-doing in any area of life.
To make sure the survey was above board, the FOX team surveyed Democrats, and the CNN team interviewed Republicans. Trevor Noah, of CNN says, “I personally interviewed fifty GOP elected officials from D.C. I asked them if they lie, or if they do anything at all that could be construed as crooked. To a person they said they do not do anything wrong. I have talked to my colleagues, Anderson Cooper, Jim Acosta, Alisyn Camerota, and they all say the same thing. Every single Republican in office, by their own admission is above reproach. It is both unprecedented, and impressive.”
Tucker Carlson had the same experience as he and his FOX colleagues Sean Hannity, Jeanine Pirro and others interviewed thousands of Democrats from across the nation. “They are all perfect,” said Carlson, with that dumbfounded expression for which he is famous. “They don’t do anything wrong… at all. They say they are as American as George Washington and Che Guevara. All accusations against them are false. It is the most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed.”
The perfect government is not just an American phenomenon. Liberal HBO personality Bill Maher had the task of interviewing President Donald Trump for the project. “The President assured me that he is perfect and has never done anything wrong. A self-proclaimed master of words, Trump told me he is, and I quote, ‘as clean as a baby’s bottom.’ That is quite the claim, folks. Who knew? He also said that he can vouch for the personal character of every foreign leader he likes. He told me, ‘Bill, regardless of what you hear, I can tell you that Putin, Rocket Man, the leader of the Ukraine, none of these have ever done anything wrong.’ And of course, that is good enough for me. Every leader is perfect. What are the chances of that? Hey… I’m an atheist, but it looks like the 1000-year reign of God on earth has begun.”