Media Silent About 10 Other "National Emergencies" Declared By President Trump
When President Trump declared a “National Emergency” in order to commandeer funds for a border wall he could not gain through negotiations, he also included 10 other emergencies that needed to be addressed immediately. The media, of course did not cover these other national emergencies. But we at Unverified Source are alerting you to those fabricated crises. In fact, President Trump himself sat down with us to discuss these national emergencies in detail. Here is what he said…
It is clear that The Babylon Bee is in a state of ‘Creative Emergency.’ It isn’t their fault. They’ve just run out of juice. So I have informed them that must start stealing stories from Unverified Source to publish as their own. If you are going to do fake news… do it right.
I declare Chick-fil-A to be in a state of ‘Diversity Emergency.’ They only serve chicken. Not a lot of people know that. As of today, I order them to begin selling a ‘Big Mac’ equivalent. This will make them highly successful.
The Boy Scouts are obviously in a state of ‘Identity Emergency.’ Girls are joining the Boy Scouts at a phenomenal rate. I am ordering that they send the girls to the kitchen, let them make their famous cookies, and increase the organization funds overnight.
Youth pastors are often in a state of ‘Snack Emergency,’ and should lead teams of students to raid the adult women’s Sunday School class candy dish. The old ladies are sweet. They may put up a fuss, but then they will be alright.
Preacher Steven Furtick has been in a state of ‘Theological Emergency,’ for a long time… long time. He needs to memorize Ravi Zacharias’ sermons and deliver those to his church. He will likely lose a lot of members who aren’t used to hearing truth... But they are fake Christians anyway. Fake.
Wives and mothers across the country are about to go out of their lovely minds during a ‘Home Decor Emergency.’ I give them the authority to reallocate grocery money to fund their Hobby Lobby shopping sprees. They were doing it anyway. This makes it official.
Hollywood is a mess. After my award-winning show went off the air they found themselves in trouble. I have declared a ‘Moral Emergency.’ They are to buy DVDs of the ‘God’s Not Dead’ movies and remake them to kick off a new era of integrity. It will be huge.
Worship teams across America are in trouble. There are some tremendous bass players, but the bands are in a state of ‘Depth Emergency.’ There is no depth in the songs they are singing. Everyone knows this. I order them to steal a hymnal from the closest pew to put this Sunday’s music set together.
Sean Hannity is incredible. I like him. He is one of my favorite advisors, because he said I would win. But the media is exposing his ‘Credibility Emergency,’ because they think he is not an objective observer. I am ordering him to not change anything. And he won’t. He will retain his agenda. This is what makes him a great journalist.
If none of this works, and they Democrat witch hunt does not stop, I have informed God that He should declare a ‘Human Emergency,’ after which He should take intense heat from the sun, and destroy the Earth.
We do appreciate the President taking the time to help us understand the thought that goes into fabricated emergencies.