As Last Resort President Trump Seeks Border Wall Funding At Payday Advance
President Trump is persistent if nothing else. Ever since the presidential campaign in 2016, the self-proclaimed billionaire has been promising his base a wall along the Mexican border. At first he promised that the Mexicans would pay for it. Then the Mexicans said they were not going to pay for the wall. So, Trump said Congress would pay for the wall. Congress said they were not going to pay for the wall.
Running out of options, Trump took a late night trip to McDonald’s to think on the issue. On the way back, he saw a flashing neon sign. An unverified source inside the presidential limousine recounts the story…
Trump: What is that sign?
Aide: The neon sign? That is a payday advance store.
Trump: What do they do there?
Aide: They give cash advances against your paycheck.
Trump: Pull in. We will get the funding for the border wall there.
Aide: Sir, you can’t do that. You’re the President of the United States.
Trump: Exactly. They will recognize me. I’m a real estate tycoon, reality TV star, and the most powerful man in the world. And I am a great negotiator. Pull in.
The aide says that Trump told the cashier how tremendous she was, and asked if he had seen her in any beauty pageants. Then she asked how much he needed. He told her he wanted $30 billion, but he would settle for $5 billion. She told him that she didn’t have that much cash, but she would start him with the application process.
She asked him about his income. He told her he doesn’t take a salary because he is so rich. She said that he must have an income in order to qualify for the loan. He got antsy, called her a “Little Nancy Pelosi,” asked her why she was part of the witch hunt, and then promised to report her as a “Fake Loan” company. She saw he was distressed, so she helped him circumvent some of the requirements.
As he got back in the car beaming, the aide asked him what he thought of the deal. The President said it was phenomenal. “No president has ever gotten funding through a payday advance.” The aide replied, “No sir… and no president has ever paid back 300% interest on a loan to build a wall the Mexicans were supposed to pay for.”